All is Well!!!!

The Dr. personally notified me that all is well with my biopsy. I had expected this all along; however, it is nice to have this confirmation. When you are faced with something like this you can't help but let your mind wander to all the "what if " possibilities. At this point I will spare you the details of the horrendous things that were passing through this random brain of mine, but I will say that sometimes they weren't pretty.

For the most part I think people view me as callous because I appear to be bit unaffected by topics such as illness and tragedy. Sometimes I think I look at life too clinically and wish I didn't have such a "realistic" attitude about life and death. Let me assure you that even though I might appear to be fine it always seems to manifest itself in other areas. Maybe it is some weird coping mechanism that I have developed. I wish I could blame on a terribly abusive childhood, but it's not. Truth is, I had a great childhood, no physical, sexual or emotional abuse to speak of. No watching my parents get divorced at age 12, no boyfriend that knocked me up in high school and led me to a heroine addiction. Nothing, Nada, Zilch.

Maybe it could just be this wonderful personality I have been blessed with that has led me to have such a lack in meaningful relationships. After all, I have never been accused of being too compassionate if you know what I mean. I should just face it, when you got it, you got it and I my friends don't have it.

P.S. I do have a few friends and by friends I don't mean acquaintances. Oh!!! and my kids, their an exception to this rule. I will gobble them up I love them so much. My husband on the other hand, now that's a different story;)

Itchy!! Scratchy!!!

I am back at work today and so uncomfortable. I believe I might have developed an allergy to one of the meds that was pumped through my body over the last 4 days. Here is a break down of what I took:

1st day-Anesthetic whatever combo they gave me, don't know the specifics
Vicodin-1 pill when I got home and one 4hrs later that made me sick to my stomach
Prochlorperazine 20mg, x 1 I was really nauseous

2nd day- Tylenol and that is it

3rd morning- Terrible rash on my neck and chest.

4th evening- 100mg Benadryl

Unfortunately, I still have this rash and I don't even know what caused it. I hate being the person that always breaks out. I want to use Tide, but it makes me break out; I want to drink red wine, but it makes me horrendously red and splotchy; I want to, I want to, I want to, but I can't.

ughhh!!!! In misery I commence,

V is for....

Vicodin...

So surgery went great today, except for that uncomforatble burning sensation that feels like my tit is being burnt by a blow torch. Nothing a little Vicodin doesn't fix. I am a apologizing in advance for the Vicodin induced stupor throughout this post. While my pupils are dilated and my eyes half-mast I must say I am feeling pretty good right now.

I will findout about the biopsy by Wednesday.

Now people let me enjoy my high!!!

P.S. I love you

I did it. I got my nails done last night. I went to one of those chop shops and now i'm sick to my stomach because I keep imagining fungus growing underneath. Why did I do this? Vanity has taken control, reared its ugly head and steered me in a wrong direction. No more will I go to this place, smell the fumes, and demand new files and buffers. NO!! NO!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! Don’t get me wrong these nails look HAAAUUUUUGHTTTTT!!!! And, yes I probably will get them done again, just not at that place.

I couldn’t stop staring at them last night they are so pretty, no nail art, no weird colors and definitely not the length of a street corner hooker. Instead a Soft pink, almost nude with a length right over my skin. My husband just finds them nasty, but IIII LLUUUUUVVVV them so he'll just have to live with them. Besides, he wasn't complaining when I was giving him a back scratch last night.

It is funny how a relationship changes in that way. At first you want to do everything to please your man, you wear your hair the way he likes and compromise on beauty and style, you wear those sexy panties that are constantly riding up you’re a*s, but hey a little chaffing is nothing compared to his pleasure. You pretend to like all the same shows and that you aren’t a little jealous when it comes to other chicks in his life. You do all his laundry and fold it delicately with love and care, you leave him sexy notes, make his lunch and tell him what a stud he is in all areas of his life. You fake it in bed on those off nights that you really aren’t in the mood just to get it over with, and secretly applaud your acting abilities because he is just too stupid to realize the jokes on him. You do your makeup and hair each day, and exchange I Love You’s every hour. You are smitten!!!

Then one day it happens and believe me it will happen. You start wearing your hair how you want, cotton panties become the ol’ standby, you stop having to fake it because sex doesn’t come often enough, so whenever you’re lucky enough to get it, you enjoy it!!!! You stop saying I Love you every 60min and are happy when it happens once a day. Smitten is replaced with comfortable and you realize that although you miss the anticipation and butterflies, “comfortable” is one of the best places to be. You know what it is like to make it work and how difficult it can be. There is a peacefulness about your love and trust. You still tell him he’s a stud, but not for the reasons aforementioned, but for the friendship he provides and for the great way he fathers your kids. You love him intensely different. And just maybe; if you’re lucky, you will be the one to leave this world first and not have to face the heartache of living without him.

P.S. MUUUUWWWWAHHHHh Tim

Shut your ....No, I won't

So I had this on lock down for a while because I got all paranoid about the crazies out there viewing the pics of my bambinos, but what the hell. It is too much of a pain in my arse to log in each time so I am just going to open it back up. Yes, I am back and open for business. So all you Knock Knock lovers come drinketh from my cup.

Addicted to dead cells!!!

I just can stop biting my nails. For some unknown reason I have chewed them beyond repair. I do it subconsciously. It’s sort of like the way when you’re driving and arrive at your destination without any recollection of how you got there. That is the way I bite my nails; they are always short, but I only remember chewing them about 30% of the time. I am thinking of getting false nails, but the sad thing is, I think my nails are too short for them to glue the tips on. I am having a crisis. I just can’t stop!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong I have stopped in the past. You see this has been a habit since I was a child. I have always intermittently bitten my nails. Normally I would bite them to the point that they were just short, not jagged or peeled and they still looked at least half way decent, but now it out of control. I have gone to Mach 3 destruction and there is no turning back.

The reason I want fake nails is simple. I am vain. Not to vain to have gained 80lbs with my last child, but vain in the since that my nails look like crap and need an overhaul. I just got a new sassy haircut and my nails need to match. Right????

If I am going to do this, I need to consider a few things:
No NAIL ART
My Husband hates fake nails
My Husband thinks they are nasty
I am scared of Fungus
They are pretty
They look nice
They don’t have to be 5 foot long with crystals on them
They can be painted a nice blush color
HMMMM!!!!!

I won’t get them probably. This blog was really superficial and random today.

I'M BAAAACK

I took the past week off and went on Vacation from work, this blog, and the stressors of life. It was great to get away, enjoy nature, unplug all electrical devices and just have family time. We hiked, played on the beach, watched some great belated fireworks and just relaxed. For once I actually came back from vacation feeling like I had one instead of more tired and worn out.

I have been back since Monday, but when you're gone work seems to catch up with you and before you know it you are sifting through the rubble of the weeks past. Because I normally write this at work and have been extremely busy I have not been able to post for a while, but I assure you I will make up for it.

Previously, I had been talking about Step 1, Step 2 and now we have made it to Step 3. Step 3 is the part where the surgeon tells me that the mass looks indicative of a benign tumor; however, she cannot be sure until a biopsy has been preformed. Hence I will be having my “tumor” removed on the 25th. I had the choice to have a biopsy by the radiology department and as a result have it monitored for growth two times a year, or I could just have it removed and give myself the peace of mind. Needless to say I chose the later. I just don’t want to have to worry about it anymore.

I will keep you posted regarding the findings and as I suspect they will be good.

4th of July and 4 days after

So the fourth of July in my neighborhood was quite the spectacle. The neighbors blocked off cul-de-sac and set off gobs of fireworks. I think some of them must have spent thousands of dollars. It was really beautiful, almost like being at a professional fireworks show. It makes me really appreciate the neighborhood I live in, and how it will hopefully prove to be a positive place to raise kids. I hate paying my house payment every month, but when I see my son playing with his friends, feeling safe and carefree it takes away my discomfort about the money.

We are leaving for a short Vacation early tomorrow morning and will be gone the remainder of the week through weekend. I'm looking forward to a little R&R and some beautiful scenery. Washington State is truly endless when it comes to natural beauty. We are going to a small fishing town on the northern most tip of Washington called Sekiu. It is very quaint, in fact, it doesn't even have a grocery store. We like to stay there because it is cheap and centrally located to the rain forest, hot springs and cape flattery. It also has the best uncombed beaches, which makes for great finds and the kids love the treasure hunt. It should be a great time.

1.15 till lift off... I can't wait to get out of here.

Danielle's Reasons To Vacation In the Pacific Northwest

1. Your friends Awesome Backyard which is condusive to Coronas, Relaxation and free stays

2. The Beach and Cute Boys

3. Mt. Rainer IS COMPLETELY AWESOME and did I mention Hiking, Kayaking and just plain beautimous!!!!

Need I say More

A Kick Azz Downtown

Amazing Sunsets

and

Most of All

FRIENDS

P.S.

Chanda-Leah these are your reasons too, but DRemmi is planning a VA-K soon.

Let Freedom Ring

We are Free and I can't think of a better place to be. We live in one of the most amazing places on this earth and yet we take it for granted. I take for granted that I can go into a coffee shop, sit down with my friends, and have a drink without being blown apart by some radical suicide bomber. A place where my children have the opportunity to be what they want without having restrictions based on classicism and sexism.

We as a nation fight over wrongs and rights, make fun of our president and have become the laughing stock of the world. Other countries view us as arrogant and immoral and quite frankly we have become both. We are continually worried about political correctness and offending something that we have become "One Nation Under Nothing." We have spent some much time worrying about believing everything is okay that we stand for nothing.

So what if we are paying $5.00 a gallon for gas and we might have to adjust our already pampered lifestyles. I say we live in one of the most amazing places on this earth. I can walk down the street and not have to worry about landmines, my babies being murdered before my eyes and watch them grow hungry and impoverished.

I must admit that I am scared. I am scared for what this country is becoming. I am scared for future generations and I am scared that we have forgotten "One Nation Under God" is our anthem.

As you celebrate tomorrow I just ask that you remember all of the lives that are shed for your freedom each day. We seem to forget that while we complain about how much it costs to fill up our $50,000 SUV's.

Waiting....For Luck

Waiting for Step 3 is going to be a long two weeks. I know that I am fine and just want to get this show on the road. If my boob does need to be disected then I just want to get it done. I do wish this issue was something that I had done to myself rather than being uncontrollable.

If I had high cholestrol or high blood pressure then I could understand why it came about and know what I have to do to change it. Like stop eating the junk I put in my mouth and start excercising more.

For example, I am going to call her subject 1. Subject 1 has diabetes. After being diagnosed two months ago she decides that she will continue to eat McDonalds everyday for breakfast and lunch and then complain to others that she is not feeling well. Subject 1 is a whiner, she has an
extremely violatile tempermant and is sensitive to comments made in the best intentions. Subject 1 makes her rounds complaining about her health status and continues to wallow in self pity about the various issues that she has. Subject 1 has had many other tests in the recent weeks and although claims to be a private person cannot shut her mouth about them. Subject 1 had an Angiogram and it was found that her artieries are clear, but she has quote "hardening of the heart." OMG!!! What is the clinical term for that....

In my ideal realist world I would say to Subject 1. SHUT UP!!! You eat shit and that is why your body is acting like Shit. You can't expect to be healthy when you don't excercise and highly processed fatty foods all day. Subject 1, you complain about your life, your work and your health. AHHHH HA!!! All these things you can change. SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!

There are people in this world who can't control why they are sick. They get sick, struggle and sometimes die. Subject 1!!!!! Be lucky your ailments are all very manageable. Subject 1!!!! Be lucky you are not a two year old little girl with Down Syndrome Recovering from her last round of Chemo http://www.cbranam.blogspot.com/, be lucky, just be lucky!

Step 2

Scheduled a consultation appt. with the surgeon for July 16 @ 1:00. Apparently, they are very busy in this office and despite the nurses best efforts this is the earliest day they could get me in. She wanted to work me in on the 7th, but it didn't work out.

It is evident that they do not play around when it comes to things of this nature because they seemed to want to schedule me very urgently. I was expecting an early August appt; however, I was taken aback by the concentrated attention to this matter (Now I am really worried) I guess you have to have a tumor that has a about a 10% chance of being cancerous to qualify for expedited service in the healthcare bizz.

While I have been positively saying to myself, "this is so not cancer. I have also been thinking; Oh!!! Crap! this is the boob that is already slightly smaller (post childbirth) then the other one. When they remove the tumor it will shrink even further."

(hmmmm!!! Wonder if Bras come in two different cup sizes?)