Don’t Worry!!!
I wish my life had a GPS. It would be nice to know if the course I am on is where I am supposed to be. I am a devoted mother and I believe a good wife; however, lately I am feeling very uneasy. I have been really snippy with the kids and not so happy with my husband. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death. I am just not as happy as I should be. I am fairly confident that I am not depressed and even if I were I don’t really believe in the meds they give out (like candy) for the condition. My mom always tells me that the only person I can change is myself. I am starting to believe her. Here is a list of the things that make me frown and then make me smile. I need a little counterbalance.
1. I am a bit tired of being married. Not that I am planning on leaving my husband anytime soon, it’s just that I am complacent. I love him, but I feel that we are at a crossroads in our relationship and I don’t think the either of us are extremely happy. I can’t pinpoint the reason, but I know something is causing the friction and I hope we uncover it soon, before it does real damage.
2. My JOB!!! I am over 30 and NO I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Yea! Yea! Grow-up already, use the degree you have and stop wishing you could go back for that illustrious English Lit Masters and just be happy you have a job.
I tell myself this everyday and yet I hate what I do. I enjoy the people I work with, but come on if you know me then you would know that Aircraft Finance is not a career that suits me well. You see, my dream has always been to be a Professor. I began college as an English Major and then after much thought about $$$ I decided on Business. For God’s sake can you say that Business degrees are a dime a dozen now. Does it even count. I would love to quit and go back to school full-time, but that is just not a possibility. I think my ship has sailed. I have acquired a mortgage, a car payment, two kids and a husband that don’t fit well into the academic lifestyle.
3. My lack of friends here makes me incredibly unhappy. It isn’t like I have always had a ton of friends, just a constant 2 or 3 that I could count on to make me laugh and listen to my ramblings. Contrary to what some think I am an extremely private person about certain areas of my life. Not many people have ever really known the true me. It would just be nice for someone other than my husband to share with. I just miss my girlfriends.
Now for my smiles list: Sophia is writing her name and I couldn’t be more pleased. She is getting so big; in fact, just this weekend she told me to shut my mouth, can you believe that. I was telling her to get ready to go and she said (well yelled actually), “Shut Your Mouth” to which I replied “excuse me missy” and then she laughed and said “Love you”!!! What a stinker.
Another smiles moment is my progress with my makeover -19lbs and counting. Just 20 more and I will be able to wear my wedding ring again (told you I wasn’t getting a divorce).
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2 comments:
How long have you and Tim been married? All my friends who have married >7 years say that year 7 is the toughest.....they describe it sort of like you. You'll get through it!
And, hey, I'm here...what's better than being on the web...the web invented by Al Gore!!! He ROCKS!!!
I can't believe Sophia is writing her name!!! And Jensen??? How old is he now?
You probably aren't talking about me, but I miss you! ;)
Keep on smiling!
It's probably the gloomy weather in Seattle that is making you grumpy. Maybe it's time to move back to the Midwest (you are from KS, right?) where life is less crazy and slow-paced.
Holidays make people grumpy too. It's all that stress and striving to be perfect during holidays is too much!
I am also over 30 and don't know what to do with my life. It's hard when you have kids because you feel like you can't really do anything for yourself because they are your first priority. I believe a lot of mothers go through this. If they haven't had a career that they love yet when they have had their kids, they don't know what to do about it. Trust me, you aren't alone! I still have big dreams, but have to worry about putting a kid through college 4 1/2years from now...not much time!
About hubby, it happens too. It's good that you want to figure out what the problem is and fix it. I wish you the best of luck.
Congrats on your weight loss--that's great!!
Hope you feel better soon. Even if we have never met in person, I still feel like I "know" you through Danielle and your blog! Hugs :)
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