No, I am not getting the Big D

Don’t Worry!!!

I wish my life had a GPS. It would be nice to know if the course I am on is where I am supposed to be. I am a devoted mother and I believe a good wife; however, lately I am feeling very uneasy. I have been really snippy with the kids and not so happy with my husband. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death. I am just not as happy as I should be. I am fairly confident that I am not depressed and even if I were I don’t really believe in the meds they give out (like candy) for the condition. My mom always tells me that the only person I can change is myself. I am starting to believe her. Here is a list of the things that make me frown and then make me smile. I need a little counterbalance.

1. I am a bit tired of being married. Not that I am planning on leaving my husband anytime soon, it’s just that I am complacent. I love him, but I feel that we are at a crossroads in our relationship and I don’t think the either of us are extremely happy. I can’t pinpoint the reason, but I know something is causing the friction and I hope we uncover it soon, before it does real damage.

2. My JOB!!! I am over 30 and NO I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Yea! Yea! Grow-up already, use the degree you have and stop wishing you could go back for that illustrious English Lit Masters and just be happy you have a job.
I tell myself this everyday and yet I hate what I do. I enjoy the people I work with, but come on if you know me then you would know that Aircraft Finance is not a career that suits me well. You see, my dream has always been to be a Professor. I began college as an English Major and then after much thought about $$$ I decided on Business. For God’s sake can you say that Business degrees are a dime a dozen now. Does it even count. I would love to quit and go back to school full-time, but that is just not a possibility. I think my ship has sailed. I have acquired a mortgage, a car payment, two kids and a husband that don’t fit well into the academic lifestyle.

3. My lack of friends here makes me incredibly unhappy. It isn’t like I have always had a ton of friends, just a constant 2 or 3 that I could count on to make me laugh and listen to my ramblings. Contrary to what some think I am an extremely private person about certain areas of my life. Not many people have ever really known the true me. It would just be nice for someone other than my husband to share with. I just miss my girlfriends.

Now for my smiles list: Sophia is writing her name and I couldn’t be more pleased. She is getting so big; in fact, just this weekend she told me to shut my mouth, can you believe that. I was telling her to get ready to go and she said (well yelled actually), “Shut Your Mouth” to which I replied “excuse me missy” and then she laughed and said “Love you”!!! What a stinker.

Another smiles moment is my progress with my makeover -19lbs and counting. Just 20 more and I will be able to wear my wedding ring again (told you I wasn’t getting a divorce).

Playing Catch-Up

Let’s play catch up. I know I have been the ultimate bad blogger and once again I will use the excuse that I have been in a funk lately. If it makes any sense at all I could say that the truth is I am lazy and extremely busy all at the same time. And, although I live in one of the most fantastic places in the U.S., I am really homesick. I would love to be home with my family and friends during the holidays, but for now it is just not a possibility.

I won’t lie I really miss the “Midwest” life. I am grateful that my children will get to experience all that life has to offer, but sometimes I wonder if this high paced lifestyle is really worth it? Is the money worth it? Are they happy without their mom home? Will I lose my job with all the economic turmoil? Are we headed for devastating times? What will happen to them?

Negative and worried you must think I am, but really I am just a realist at heart. I am told it is to a fault, but I can’t help but think our day in the sunshine has come to pass and now we must walk in the shadows for awhile. I don’t worry about me. I worry about my two little ones. I worry that this life they are accustom to will change drastically and there might come a time when I can’t even provide the necessities.

I know that I am definitely lacking in the spirituality department and that I good use a healthy portion of “Jesus”. I need worship and to become involved again. I need the positive energy and the loving home you find when you are a part of a church home. I want my children to have that. I had that growing up and I think my adolescent life was much easier for it. Churches are a rare thing here and if you find one they are usually a little kooky. I have been to one I enjoy several times and think I need to become a regular.

On the upside I started a mini-physical makeover 6 weeks ago which has been taking up the majority of my time and guess what: Drum Roll Please-I have lost 18lbs. Only a buttload more to go, but hey it is a start.

Write again soon

Diggin for gold...

M2 is that you pickin your nose
Will that Pharmacy ever close
So you don't have to work so much
Dealing drugs to the blue-hairs and such
You made me laugh each and every day
Walking to the caf along the way
Getting multiple waters to wet our whistle
So we wouldn't start tumbling like a thistle
We made the meds stat and in a hurry
While working those baxa's with fire and fury
We were superstars while it lasted
Watching Ranbo get blasted.
Out of his ghord and eww!! a dirty bootie
My gawd he sure thought he was a cutie
Finer days and crazy ways
Our legacy bright as the sun's rays